Reflections on 26.2 Miles...

Well I did it. I'm pretty sure I surprised myself more than anyone else. Not to talk myself up, but I am extremely proud of myself for finishing such a long race. I was that kid whose best mile time in freshman year PE was 12:37, so it felt really affirming to do what I used to think was impossible. Heres some little thoughts about running the marathon:

-It helped restore a little faith in humanity. First off, the weather was AWFUL, no understatement. The wind was against us at 20ish mph, and you were drenched before you even crossed the starting line. The rains and winds were pretty constant for the first 21ish miles, and some intersections we had to run through were mid calf deep in water. Yet despite all this, people still came out of their houses to stand in the pouring rain and cheer us on, even if they didn't know anyone in the race. Every mile, there was at least one group of cheering people with funny (and sometimes dirty) encouraging signs, beaming smiles, and whooping voices. I was pretty shocked anyone would come out in that weather, but I'm so glad they did. The constant encouragement was a breath of fresh air when your motivation waned. Not to mention that the 20 water stations and numerous med stations were all run by volunteers.

-After mile 20, it actually felt better to keep running than it did to stop and walk for a bit. Once you stopped running, you immediately became aware of all the pain resounding in different parts of your body. And then having to start running again was pretty rough. But once you had been running for a little while, you kinda became numb. Thank God for endorphins.

-I was amazed at the variety of people who run marathons. Having never run in a race before, I always assumed anyone insane enough to run such a long race would be of the tall and gangly body type, but I was surprised to see so many different types of people running alongside me. My excuse for never running for long distances was my body type: short, stocky, short legs, and huge feet. It seems to be a pretty bad combo to say the least. And yet there were people of all ages, body sizes, and even disabilities running the race. When you get passed at mile 16 by a blind lady who is tied to a volunteer for direction, you realize just how shitty your lifelong excuses have been. Same thing can happen when your passed by a 70 year old man who is barefoot. Or when your passed by a older man who seems to be over weight, and yet this is his 87th marathon. Damn.

-You learn a lot about your body. I can't really explain this, but you just get better at regulating your body. You start to realize the fine distinctions between good hurt and bad pain, you realize when you need water even though you aren't thirsty, and you learn how to pace yourself properly. Kind of hard to explain.

-They serve beer to the racers. Seriously. You get a small cup of beer around mile 21. Apparently beer is really good for runners because of the carbs, and the slight impact of the alcohol was probably helpful (hard to tell if I felt anything or if it was just the endorphins). Also, shout out to the patrons of the pub around mile 23, who graciously gave me half of their beer as I was running by. More faith in humanity restored, and I felt right at home in Chico with the drunk and rowdy revelers whooping and hollering as I chugged down the best half a beer I've ever had.

-You kind of go into 'Zen' mode. Typically when I run in Chico, I have an audiobook to listen to, or a poem to memorize. I find its easier to run if your brain is engaged constantly. But with the rain making it impossible to have dry notecards for memorization or for an ipod to be accessible, I found myself not thinking about anything really. Even conversations with my girlfriend, who was beside me most of the race, were kept to a minimum. Very unusual to me, but it also felt good to just not think about anything.

-I worry way to freaking much. On the drive down to Sac the day before the race, I found myself on edge and kinda snapping at my girlfriend, which was totally jacked up. After apologizing and externally processing for a little while, I realized that I was worrying about the race the next day. Like a lot. I was so worried I would get injured and have to drop out and then have to come back to all my friends in Chico looking like a failure. And yet nothing I did that day could affect what would happen during the race. How often we all tend to worry in a futile attempt to control things that are far beyond our grasp. Time to start meditating on Philippians 4:6-7 more often. Again.

Thats all the thoughts I have at the moment. I encourage you guys to sign up for something you think is beyond your ability, so you can end up surprising yourself. I know this is cliche, but trust me, if I can do it, anyone can.

Degaussed

Well it has been a while since my last post, regretfully. I could blame it on busyness or distractions, but in all honesty I just didn't feel like writing, and I didn't feel I had much to write about. This semester has been a unique and challenging one to say the least, and my walk with God has gone through a dry/distracted spell. Which brings me to today. I've spent most of the day praying and even resolved to fast in an effort to be more focused/less distracted from God. So here follows my thoughts:

The thing that has really been on my mind is a passage that appears in a few of the Gospels, where Jesus tells   people that His followers are to be the 'salt of the earth' (Matthew 5:13 and Mark 9:50). I know most of you have heard this passage and probably heard a pastor unpack what it exactly means to be 'salt' in this world. The most familiar of those explanations involves the fact that salt adds zest and flavor to otherwise dull food. Other explanations focus on salts value in ancient times and how it was used for its preserving qualities. There are a slew of other interpretations as well, but another explanation kind of came to mind, and its been sticking with me all day. Bear with me here...

Most people know that water conducts electricity, hence why there is no such thing as a toaster that toasts in your shower. But whats interesting is that salt water is a much better conductor of electricity. If you touch a live wire via saltwater, you will receive a much larger shock than if you touch a live wire through tap water. Combine that idea with the illustration Jesus gave, and we find that salt helps conduct better. (I realize it sounds cheesy to compare conduction to being receptive to God, but I'm going there) Most people also know that electricity can be used to make something magnetic, and that goes along with the metaphor of God being the 'electricity' that 'magnetizes' us and causes us to 'attract' other people. Christian cliches at their finest.

But rolling with that metaphor nonetheless, lately I have felt like I've 'lost my charge' so to speak. It has been hard to 'conduct' God lately in my life. I'm sure most of this is my doing, but still. Distractions, cynicism taken too far, loss of perspective, ungratefulness, resentment, apathy; there are manifold causes. These things also manifest themselves in my personal relationships. I find myself caring less about people, their faults being hard to ignore. I am more likely to snap at people or assume they have the wrong motives. These thoughts are not conducive to drawing people in; I'm not exactly 'attracting' them. I feel 'degaussed', more or less.

I'm not trying to be a downer here, every christian goes through seasons like this. But regardless, that image has been stuck in my mind all day. A magnet that doesn't attract. Why keep a kitchen magnet if it doesn't stick to the fridge? The picture is striking to me for some reason, and it has kind of shook me up.

All this being said, I am comforted by the thought that any dull magnet can be re-magnetized. There are a few ways this can happen. Use electricity to establish poles in the magnet. Even simply rubbing the metal with another magnet can magnetize it. I take two things out of this. First, more time with God. I am so so so quick to procrastinate this necessary time everyday. I'll rationalize that I need to attend to the more pressing matter, and that God will still be there afterwards.Secondly, I need more time with other believers that I know well, those that will literally 'rub off' on me. This has been increasingly challenging with most of my close senior friends being swamped with internships, heavy class loads, jobs, etc.. Regardless, I need to start making more of an effort to engage in this staple of my walk.

I realize this is all 'duh' stuff, but I find that most of our problems have somewhat simple solutions, despite how elusive they are to us. So with all this written, here's to regaining my charge from a God that is endlessly patient with us dull magnets.

Rock Out (Direct Orders) - [Poem #1]

Well I said there would be poetry for those who cared, so here is the long-overdue first poem. Poetry is awesome, and yet so unappreciated.  I think those high school English classes exposed us to one-too-many boring and stuffy poem, and that has ruined it for most people. I assure you, the stuff I post will be much better than what you read in high school.

So on to the poem! It is by a spoken word/poet named Anis Mojgani, and he is my absolute favorite at the moment. I've memorized five or six of his poems (best tool for coping with long-distance running), so you will see more of this guy in the future. But don't wait for me, look into this guy yourself.

Rock Out (Direct Orders)

You have been given a direct order to rock the fuck out. Rock out like you were just given the last rock n' roll album on earth, and the minutes are counting down to flames.
Rock out like you just won both showcase showdowns.
Rock out like the streets are empty except for you, your bicycle, and your headphones.
Rock out like your lips, which are placed onto a breakdancing muse with legs that go all the way up.
Rock out like you'll never have to open a textbook again. 
Rock out like you were paid to disturb the peace.
Rock out like music is all that you've got.
Rock out like you're standing on a rooftop and the city's loud and glowing like a river beneath you.
Rock out like the plane is going down, there are 120 passengers on board, and 121 parachutes.
Rock out like the streets and the books are all on fire, and the only way it can be extinguished is by doing the electric slide.
Rock out like it's Saturday afternoon, and Monday is a national holiday.
Rock out like somebody's got a barrel pointed at your temple, saying: "Rock out like your life depended on it, fool" because it does.
Rock out like your eyes are fading, but you still got your ears. But you don't know for how long, so rock out like 5 o'clock time, make pop-in-lot time.
Rock out like you've got pants full of tokens, and nothing to do but everything.
Rock out like you are the international skee-ball champion of the entire universe!
Rock out like you just escaped an evil orphanage to join the Russian circus.
Rock out like your hero is fallen, and you're spinning your limbs until they burst into a burning pyre of remembrance.
Rock out like you are enslaved in the South, and dancing is all that you have to know who you are.
Rock out like your dead grandfather just came back to take a drive with you in your new car.
Rock out like the table is full.
Rock out like the neighbors are away.
Rock out like the walls wont fall, but dammit, you're going to die trying to make them.
Rock out the the stereo's volume knob is the figure 8 of infinity, instead of merely numbers.
Rock out like its raining outside and you've got a girl to run through it with. 
Rock out like you're playing football! Football in the mud, and your washing machine is not broken.
Rock out like your throwing your window open on your honeymoon because you want the world to know what love is.
Rock out like you just got a book published.
Rock out like you just went to your high school reunion to find everyone, even the women, are all overweight and bald, except for the former homecoming queen, who you just found out got divorced from her impotent husband and only has eyes for.... YOU!
Rock out like you just got a date with Heidi Klum.
Rock out like a shadowman passes behind you, drops you to your knees. You're buckling in sweat, cold metal's pressed to your forehead, the trigger's pulled, and the gun jams.
Rock out like you've got an empty appointment book, and a full tank of gas.
Rock out like Jimi has returned carrying brand new guitar strings.
Rock out like the mangoes are in season.
Rock out like the record player wont skip.
Rock out like this was the last weekend, like these were the last words, like you don't ever want to forget how.

Facades and Whitewashed Tombs

"The noonday devil of the christian life is the temptation to lose the inner self while preserving the shell of edifying behavior. Suddenly, I discover that I am ministering to AIDS victims to enhance my resume. I find I renounced ice cream for Lent to lose five excess pounds. I drop hints about the absolute priority of meditation and contemplation to create the impression that I am a man of prayer. At some unremembered moment I have lost the connection between internal purity of heart and external works of piety. In the most humiliating sense of the word, I have become a legalist. I have fallen victim to what T. S. Eliot calls the greatest sin: to do the right thing for the wrong reason."

-The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, pg. 135

"He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone in our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!" 

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

"It may be that salvation consists not in the canceling of these eternal moments [of sin] but in the perfected humility that bears the shame forever, rejoicing in the occasion which is furnished to God's compassion and glad that it should be common knowledge to the universe. Perhaps in that eternal moment St. Peter - he will forgive me if I am wrong - forever denies his Master. If so, it would indeed be true that the joys of heaven are for most of us, in our present condition, an acquired taste - and certain ways of life may render the taste impossible of acquisition. Perhaps the lost are those who dare not go to such a public place."

- C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I think one of the most valuable virtues a christian (especially a leader) can possess is Humility. And yet I think it is one of the qualities I see the least among believers, myself included. All three of these quotes perfectly outline a common problem seen in most christian circles; this lack of humility that is so prevalent in our lives. 

Growing up in a christian high school, spirituality was just another means of showing your value; a sort-of popularity capital. When I was chosen to pray aloud in class, I would try to inject as many wise-isms or try to stick as many scripture quotes in there as I could. Afterwards, my pulse would be pounding as I quickly ran through everything I had said, observed peoples (often non-existent) reactions, and then assessed how much that prayer had bumped up my being perceived as 'spiritual'. It was exhausting! And it took me a long time to eventually realize that I was solely thinking about the next thing to say during prayer, not God. 

How far off I am from the tax collector Jesus talks about in Luke 18:13, praying: "God, have mercy on me, the sinner..."

Such behavior wasn't only relegated to prayer. I was also the guy that never swore, never drank at the parties, and had never done anything shameful with a girl. I would tell a friend (who was higher up on this perceived spiritual pecking order) about something shameful another friend had done [GOSSIP], all under the veil of asking that spiritual friend to pray for the shameful one. How craftily sin can sneak in and mess up what is supposed to be used for God!

"The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins. All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual: the pleasure of putting other people in the wrong, of bossing and patronizing and spoiling sport, and back-biting; the pleasures of power, of hatred....That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither." (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)  

That being said, there is no way I am exempt from any of the assertions I am putting forth in this post. 

Being a Psych major, I totally understand how often people put on faces and construct a facade to hide what is really going on or how they are really feeling. I hate it. Defense mechanisms such as these rarely do anyone any good. And yet everyday, I wake up and do the exact same thing, I put on a face. It can be so difficult to not do, especially when it seems like the other christians around you seem to be doing so great. 

I shudder to think what most of my friends would say to me if they could see all the things I think on a daily basis. One minute I am stoked on Christ, till my skateboard hits a pothole and I suddenly wish a brutal death on the lazy Chico road construction crews. Or those cars that cut us off. That guy at the gym who takes 5 minute rests on a bench press and refuses to let you work in. The incoherent, disgruntled, and obviously hungover customer at the bagel shop. (sometimes, all in the SAME day). Or what about the ridiculous expectations I put on my unknowing girlfriend? Or my roommates and friends? 

I especially like that first quote by C.S. Lewis. What if those 'lowest of spiritual lows' is really something that should be talked about more often? What if Heaven rejoices over those suckiest-of-times? What if, by hiding our weaknesses and habitual faults, we are actually doing the Kingdom a great disservice? I still have never heard of or seen someone come to Christ because we followed the Ten Commandments (someone is going to attack this statement and say that I dont think following the TC is important, which is not the case at all). It has not been my abstaining from drinking/swearing/whatever that has made the people around me notice something different. Because at no point are you completely without sin. Some part of you is indwelt with that sin nature as long as you walk this earth. 

But I have heard of people witnessing some of my christian friends at their lowest, when they were making all the bad mistakes, and then see their contrite turnaround and marvel at it (sometimes even accepting Christ on the spot!). There is something to be said about witnessing a close friend go through something rough and maybe make some mistakes, but then see the otherworldly hope and love that come out of it. Maybe we should stop trying to appear righteous to those around us, and instead show them that somehow Christ could love even the shittiest parts of me. 

Pastor Josh Kehler down at Reality Stockton (my beloved church) gave a great sermon on this idea, saying that in the end, "We are all just trophies of His Grace". That phrase is just beautiful to me. This gospel is supposed to be scandalous! How bewildering it is that Christ should die for something as horrible as me! That's what I want people to see. Not this idea that 'Christ saved me once a few years ago when I was really into partying but now I am doing great and an example of a righteous sinless life', because lets face it, that's not true. Christ did secure my salvation, but there is something to be said about the constant redeeming that is taking place day after day. That's the part that blows me away. Who would die for someone who is just going to keep failing you?  Aren't we robbing the Gospel of its beauty when we try to look like we have it all together?

  "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us." - 1 John 1:8-10

So why isn't this happening more often? Day after day we wake up and somehow are convinced that we are gonna get away with looking good. 

Here is another blog post (thanks Karen!) that speaks the truth. On a mental level, we all know other people screw up. But all we see around us is smiling faces during worship, pictures of 'date nights with Jesus', status posts with scriptural quotations, etc.. Of course, none of these are bad, but life isn't always a bowl of peaches. Why is there so little mention of those current shameful acts in our lives? Why are there so few of those 4 am conversations with teary eyes? Wheres the doubting and questioning side of our ministry leaders?

I think we try to hide this side of ourselves for two reasons. One, we don't want other people to see how fucked up we still are, despite X amount of years as a Christ-follower/our position in ministry. Two, I think we are worried that if people see us struggle, it might somehow cause them to struggle. But this just is not the case. The sermons and talks I have remembered the most throughout my life are the ones where the pastor or leader exposed some dark twisted part of themselves. There is something so relieving about hearing this 'great spiritual man' wrestle with the same shit that I do. 

One of the most impacting sermons I ever heard came from Pastor Josh down in Reality Stockton, when he confessed much to his congregation, including using the growing ministry as leverage against God and as a source of pride in comparison with other believers. He finished with the words "Church, if you only knew half of the horrible things I think on a daily basis, you would all flee this building." That statement was so relieving to hear. It turns out I wasn't the only christian struggling with such shittiness.

So here's to spending more time being a sinner with other sinners around me, and less time trying to be a 'saint' in an environment of perceived perfection. Here's to not trying to cover my burdens, but letting others help me bear them. I never want to be seen as a saint, but rather I want people to look at my life and be amazed that He could love something so messed up, and somehow make good come out of such a twisted individual. 

Here's to less time in denial about:

-Being bitter at the failures of the Church,

-Being envious at those who have parents who pay for everything,

-Justifying my faults based on my circumstances,

-How often my motives are constantly impure,
-Jealousy at those whose ministry/spiritual walk seems to be going better than mine,

-Being wrathful at that fellow sister who just blew that round of quelf,

-Constantly writing off my optimistic friends as 'naive',

-Doubting and questioning God multiple times every day,

-Being a selfish boyfriend who puts too high of expectations on his girlfriend,

-How often I am (undeservedly) discontent with God and where my life is at,

-Judging and putting myself above half the people I see on my walk to school,

-Being so damn ungrateful. 

And on and on. So I encourage you to break this cycle. Write stuff down, or even just confess one shitty thing to your roommate or even just an acquaintance. There is this certain holy lightness that one gets from exposing their burdens and allowing them to be shared.

"It is hardly complimentary to God that we should choose him as an alternative to hell. Yet even this he accepts. The creature's illusion of self-sufficiency must, for the creature's sake, be shattered. And by trouble, or fear of trouble on earth, by crude fear of the eternal flames, God shatters it, unmindful of his glory's diminution. I call this "divine humility," because it's a poor thing to strike our colors to God when the ship is going down under us, a poor thing to come to him as a last resort, to offer up our own when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud, he would hardly have us on such terms. But he is not proud. He stoops to conquer. He would have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to him, and come to him because there is nothing better now to be had." (C.S. Lewis)

Another $H!#*&Y Blog Post...

God. Cussing. The Bible. Ready..... GO!

In my first post on this blog, I warned that I may be using a few choice vulgarities in my writing. Then I demonstrated such usage. I also mentioned God, and although not explicitly stating my faith in Christ, I am sure you guys probably assumed it. For some people, this seems to be a contradiction and a sort-of controversy. I thought about it for a few days, and decided this is just begging for a blog post. So here goes!

(also, this is way off topic, but I found a BK crown on my walk home from school this morning. I can honestly say I've never felt so empowered writing a blog as I do while writing this one bearing said crown right now.)

First, some background:

Growing up, I was always that kid who never swore. All throughout high school, I would see some of my friends swear and instantly judge/worry that they were drifting away from Christ. Even when repeating a line from a movie I had seen, I would 'bleep' it out by saying 'F-ing A' and the like. And who didn't love 'H-E-doublehockeysticks'? But I can distinctly remember sometimes after driving home from a hard nights work at Panera, and just sitting in my driveway, smacking my dashboard while yelling some obscenities in secret. It was more about the external appearance for me.

Then college came. I continued to be that guy who did not swear, up until the summer after my sophomore year. Something about that summer just opened up the new world of swearing to me. After talking to some of my christian friends who sort-of justified it, I decided to give it a try. I must say, it was pretty satisfying to be able to give myself free rein in an area which I had previously been so controlled. I loved the intense rush of such reckless abandon. It eventually progressed until it became kinda fun. Throw in an academically-hard junior year and then working on a marine base in Japan all summer, and here I am with my at-times borderline sailors mouth.

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So, whats my justification? In short, my opinion is that it is all about Heart and Context. Lets look at a few questions and I will share my opinions (yes, opinions) on the matter.

-What about the verses in the Bible that condemn swearing?

I mean aren't we supposed to be 'set apart'?

-Can God be glorified through the use of an expletive?

 Or could a well-placed expletive positively stir the soul?

So, lets look at the verses that seem to explicitly condemn cussing. The most often used verse is usually Ephesians 4:29, which says:

 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

A lot of people point to this and say that unwholesome talk equates to cussing. I have to disagree with this assertion. If you look at the context of that phrase, it is contrasted with 'what is helpful for building others up'. It seems to be saying that unwholesome talk is the opposite of what builds people up, which alludes to gossip, slander, insults, etc.. Where did we get cussing out of that? I feel like that might be more of our traditional-american-church's interpretation. The church was at first very against tattoos, rock music, piercings, etc.. and I think we all know now that these are all things that can be used for Gods glory.

Or Colossians 3:8, which says:

 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk [or filthy language] from your mouth. 

But why do we automatically assume that cussing is along the lines of filthy language? There are many, many other verses that allude to this, but they all seem to be equally as vague.

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We also have some philosophical dilemmas here. Is the homeless man (who has grown up in a rough environment all his life) at fault if he were to say ''Damn, I love this Jesus guy" or "I fuckin love Philippians!" In his heart, he means to praise God or His Word, although his diction is a bit abrasive compared to the traditional church. Is he sinning or glorifying God?

A long time ago, I read an article in Relevant Magazine that asks "Can Offensive Art Be Christian?' This article really got me thinking and examining my beliefs behind cussing. I'd really encourage you to read it. Now.

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Before I fully break down my cussing parameters, I think its also interesting to mention Philippians 3:8 here: 

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."

Another article that I read talks about how that word 'rubbish' is the greek word Skubalon. It then begins to explain what this word means and represents:

"skubalon – In secular Greek this depressing word means rubbish and muck of many kinds: excrement, rotten food, bits left at a meal as not worth eating, a rotting corpse. Nastiness and decay are the constant elements of its meaning; it is a coarse, ugly, violent word implying worthlessness, uselessness, and repulsiveness... The only NT usage is Paul’s in Phil 3:8, “I count (estimate, evaluate) them as (nothing but) dung.” The coarse and violent word shows how completely Paul had ceased to value them." [New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology Vol. 1, Zondervan: 1980, pg 480]

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't Paul saying that he 'consider[s] them shit, that I may gain Christ'? There's your Bible friends. (Also, off the record, I also can't help but think that Paul probably would use this word to describe the ship he was sailing on before he was shipwrecked, among other things.)

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Alright, this is getting long, lets get to the opinion part.

In my opinion, the use of cussing should be measured by two things:

1) Your heart behind it, and

2) The context.

Let me simply break down this first 'rule'. Look at these two statements:

"Crap!* I stubbed my toe!"

"Shit!* I stubbed my toe!"

In both instances, the * word is conveying something along the lines of: "an outcry of disgust from physical pain". But we don't actually say that, as the word crap/shit is a heck of a lot easier. Is one word more sinful than the other? If so, why? In my opinion, both words are fine.

But lets look at another situation:

"That guy is a moron*"

"That guy is a fuckface*"

In both instances, the * word is meant to belittle, insult, tear someone down, etc.. I would reason that BOTH of these instances are wrong. As Jesus said:

 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell." 

It seemed to be more about the heart here. 

In terms of the second 'rule' of context, this is just a common-sense rule. It would probably not be best to walk into a preschool to pick up your daughter while dropping F-bombs the whole way in. Duh. This rule speaks for itself I think. 

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By no means do I think we as christians should be known as 'cussers'. But who is to say that cussing can't push someone closer to God? If my friend comes to me (christian or not) and tells me her dad just got diagnosed with cancer, I am not gonna respond by saying 'Well thats just a darn shame!'. The situation is nothing short of shitty. Some words pack a bigger punch than others, and I don't think we should be so afraid to use them. This world can be a shitty place, and I think we as christians need to acknowledge this instead of only speaking about what we wish the world was. As that Relevant article so beautifully articulated: "We relegate our art [speech] to the way we wish the world should be and not how the world actually is."

Heres the link again. Seriously, go read it now.

There is also something to be said in terms of humor, because lets be honest, it's way funnier if 'I shat in a field on the first day of school' than saying 'I pooped in a field on the first day of school'. So long as you aren't seriously tearing a friend down, I think cussing is fine in all instances of humor. Caution needs to be employed in making sure none of your jokes or teasing go too far and hurt a brother, not so much worrying about cussing.

In conclusion, my opinion is that one should check their heart, check the context, and then possibly partake in a bit of vulgarity. Maybe it can be hearkened to alcohol in that sense. Or maybe I have just been writing so long that the desperate and terrible metaphors are coming out. I would love to hear your guys' thoughts on this topic, so please join the conversation.

I am a sellout. Selah.

Well, after much resistance, I have finally caved into the idea of writing a blog. The idea has always appealed to me, but I just feel like there are so many people writing blogs despite their 'target audience' not really caring. But I think I am finally okay with this fact; this will be more for me than for an audience. But hey, if you guys get something out of any of this writing, then sweet. Still though, I cannot help but feel like a little bit of a sellout...

The title of this blog is 'Selah', which is a Hebrew word that pops up in the Psalms every now and then. I love the word, in part because no one really knows what it exactly means. Mystery is one of the many spices of life. With that comes some sharp disagreement about what it actually means, but one of the best explanations I have heard goes something like this. I pulled this from the always-wonderful Wikipedia:


[Selah] ... is a difficult concept to translate. It is probably either a musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen". "Selah" can also be used to indicate that there is to be a musical interlude at that point in the Psalm. The Amplified Bible states Selah as "pause, and think of that".

I think that is beautiful, and a great way to describe what I want this blog to be: my outlet of introspection. In this crazy busy college life, I think there is something Godly and beautiful about stopping and reflecting on this life as it zooms on by. It also could mean to 'weigh ones life', to 'raise your voice' or a musical interlude. So it either means 1) to stop and reflect, 2) to yell a little louder, or 3) the biblical equivalent of a badass guitar solo. All are acceptable translations in my book.

 And since I am pretty terrible with transitions, here is a few little things you should know about this blog/me:

- It is going to be raw.  The main purpose for this is just to sort of spit out my thoughts and ideas into something tangible that I can come back to later, so expect messiness. Some of my thoughts will be pretty damn cynical and pessimistic, but then again some events in life sort of call for that. Or at least honesty in the heat of those moments. I'm going to yell and cuss, sometimes in outrage and sometimes in despair, and other times i'll be as chipper as can be. Maybe no one will pay much attention to it, but maybe that's for the better.

-It will probably be a bit stupid/cheesy. I go through my life with all these little flashes of insight that seem to come without any sort of logical cause. But that's how life is, right? Sometimes you get this ridiculous burst of perspective while shitting in a field (hopefully more on that later). God works in mysterious and sometimes really weird ways.

-There will be no real rhyme or reason to any of my posts. Some days i'll sit down and write something worth a bit of spiritual/emotional/mental insight, other days I might post a stupid picture of a childish meme. Come to think of it, those two camps pretty well describe 65% of my internet usage. Oh, and there will be poetry, cause poetry is bitchin. Hopefully you leave this page with some sort of inspiration, or at least a chuckle or two.

I guess that's all i can really think about right now. Huzzah for the grand blogging experiment, and for the increased risk of carpal tunnel it may lead to...